Fix me

Put the life up. Stop crying, stop being confused, stop asking.

I woke up on nice Sunday at 09.45. I found that I miss everything. I saw my sister and Reni were cooking in the kitchen. I got my phone and then I saw that I was too late for going to church with my friend. We have a schedule for visiting a particular church once a years and I have let it go away. Life sucks. I played game, got breakfast. I was being busy by making some handicraft of flanel. Then my friends Uli phoned me. We talked for a long long time. We talked about our current job, settlement, and also the relationship. Uli love someone and she asked my advice. What the hell of advice I can give? The one man I love has never call me anymore, never speak to me again. So, just the time goes by. The noon come. And I was a stingy girl. Life sucks.

My friend came. Bang Joe. We wasted the time by played monopoly. Actually, it is a good game, we laughed and starting to forget the time.

Then everybody left. Bang Joe left. Reni went with her boyfriend. Anas go to Church with her friend. And I am alone. I remember when I was at dormitory, they always let me to go to church together. Then now I am a home alone.

Six months ago, I always waiting for the Sunday. I wake up early and go to church with my friends. After that I was busy with the home work. Then on evening, He came. I can't be angry for him even though he was late. Because I know it is to far for him to come to my place. We got dinner and then talked and laughed. Among many friends, he is rarely to speak, but between us, he is the only who speak. I just listen and smile for every jokes he give. It was nice. I miss him. Even though I know he is not the same anymore. He is not the person I know six months ago. He is the stranger now.

I am stuck in here. Listening some music and busy by game. Yeah, I am alone. And I don't know when I will be fixed. I am tired of my friend's judgement. He say that I am a weak person. He doesn't know me well. How come he said that to me.

Fix me.

My A-Z about Ex

Dear God the only thing I ask of you is
to hold him when I'm not around
when I'm much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you
But I left him when I found him
And now I wish I'd stayed
'Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired
I'm missing you again oh no
Once again
Avenge sevenfold - Dear God

This Avenge Sevenfold is really really "galau". Having Ex-bf, this is the first for me. It isn't easy for me, as a amateur in love matter. Having him is good, together with him is nice, break with him is full with the tears. You should know this feeling, There is a time when we miss him, wanna hear his voice, wanna to hold his hand, but in other time, we got that he is nothing, really really nothing.

After I got cut with my former bf, all song that telling about ex started to take my intention. I marked the statement that really related to my feeling, such as
"There's nothing to do with you!"

or
"I'm better off without you!"
"He's just a trouble!"
"You're such a mess!"

Then I'm trying to think, why do it hurt? Why I prefer to listen the sad and cruel song for describing my heart? Could it be more making sense? Our first introduction is good, our first date is nice, so why break up just make the heart hurt, hurt and hurt.

Girls are really complicating. They are trying to take the attention the man with some trouble. They make a mess, make stupid statement, etc. Although they just want to say, I miss you and want to get your attention right now.

"Can we start over again?"
"What if I had never say good bye?"

Having an Ex is a good lesson. You'll never know how much you into someone until you lose him. You'll never know how to keep the relationship until you break the relationship by yourself. You'll never see other side, other world, other man :-p
and other chance until you get hurt by this. So, say thank you to your ex, has been a good teacher in this life.

Life is full of CHances, you should take CHallenge, and it is not late to CHange.
-Friska Siallagan-